This blog, which was to be for February, started off as something completely different than what is going to actually be here. February turned out to have some crazy family happenings, an overall busy few weeks, and it took a toll on the last 10 days of the month. So, onto March!
I made a statement to my friend and it got me to thinking, “Do I actually mean what I say?” My friend, L and I were talking and I made the comment that I’ll be 37 soon and basically WOW. She said, (mind you, she is 8 years younger than me) “that is young!” My statement back was, “It is, if you’re already in your career and are a wife and mother. If you’re not by this age, it just means that you take procrastination and independence way too seriously!”
Now, do I actually mean that? I guess in a way, yes I do. I mean, by my age (and younger) we’ve all had the dreams of being in a good job that we can see doing for a long time, and we have all pictured ourselves as a wife and mom, maybe not in that order, or all 3 of those things, but we’ve pictured some major accomplishments happening by 37. I guess I could say that I’m procrastinating, independently, on all three! But I also don’t totally mean that. There are many life choices I’ve mad that have gotten me to where I am and where I am is a good place. Plus, I’ve unloaded some bad guys that more than happily were going to make me a wife and mom. Thank the Good Lord I realized they were no good and got out when I did.
But this did get me rapidly thinking about a lot of the things I say, and I say a lot, and do I really mean them? I make comments, often, about how I just need to “keep on keeping on” and “if I’m hectically busy now, it’s okay because when school is done, I plan on making time for myself and someone else in my life.” On a regular basis, like I’m sure most us do, I talk myself into a brave front, a smile for everyone to see, or a strong opinion on when I will finally make myself available to find love (or just a date!).
These things I say seem to be more so for myself than for the other person in the conversation. To be able to stand strong against something usually gets a laugh and someone to agree, even if they actually don’t. So no, I don’t mean a lot of the things I say in its’ full meaning, because things will just happen when they’re supposed to, and life’s events will occur and you just have to work with them, around them, and a lot of times you also have to make things happen. And no matter the excuses I give, life will go on with or without my consent.
Call it realistic optimism, or possibly realistic pessimism or even call it making excuses. Whatever it’s called, these statements help me to deal with my impending birthday, and some of the realizations, ideas, and epiphany’s that always seem to muster up around a day that should be celebrated for all that has been done in such a short time. Even though that number (that many of us hate) is increasing, I’ve got this! I’ve made it this far and I know I’ve got many more happy times in me. I do, I’ve got this!